—what does your actions mean when you’re not speaking?

There is one aspect of communication that a lot of us rarely discuss when we start a relationship, we talk about everything else; learn our characters, know our likes and dislikes, find out our interest, passions and goals, but there’s just one thing we rarely remember to talk about in our relationship – what our actions mean when we are not speaking.

Default settings are those communication and behavioural patterns that our partner should automatically pickup and understand.

Let me give you some practical examples;

Whenever I call Chocolate twice and she doesn’t answer the phone there are two things that jumps at me; it is either she’s not with her phone at that moment, or she’s seeing my calls but indisposed to answer it. I don’t go giving her 20missed calls at a go, because i believe there is no way on earth she’ll see me calling and refuse to answer it, two missed calls and that’s it.

Our default settings:
1… she’ll call me back the soonest she’s able to do so.
2… If what I have to say is urgent I send a text after two missed calls, and she replies.
3… If i don’t get a call back after a few hours, i assume she doesn’t have enough call card, so i call again. Most often she pings on messenger.

These are our default settings when it comes to calling, we just understand each other’s actions like we are in each other’s minds, this is possible because we took the time to discuss it.

Hey, when you get into a fight or a heated argument with your partner and he’s just sitting there quietly listening to you rant and scream at him, what does his quietness mean? Is staying quiet a way of controlling his temper? How would you know if you two have not taking the time to talk about your default settings. Most often we take that quietness to mean that he is guilty of the cause of the fight, or to mean he is being disrespectful for not responding, while all he are doing is controlling his own emotions in the heat of the fight.

When you get into a fight and she’s not taking your calls what does it mean? It it a way of saying ‘I am angry and I don’t feel like talking to you now, call me back much later?’… if she’s ignoring your calls when you’ve got her mad is that her default setting? Do you understand that she doesn’t want to talk to you now, that talking to you might make things worse because she might talk out of turn with hurtful words? Or do you just keep on calling and calling 70times then finally say she’s disrespectful for not answering? Will she call you back when she’s calm? Or would you call back much later to apologize or send a text.

What are your default settings when it comes to a fight? What are your default settings when you’re around people, when your partner starts acting in a certain way is she trying to say it’s time to leave? What does your actions and behaviors mean when you’re not saying anything? Its important that we talk about these things guys, so important. I wish I could share more practical scenarios but it will be too much for one post.

I just hope you understand the idea I am trying to communicate? Discuss this things guys, it makes it Soo easy to understand each other.

©Allison Bisongs Hyacintho

Allison Hyacintho’s Online Masterclass will be starting on the 20th of August, He would love to share this deep things with you on a more personal level, registration details will be out soon, imagine if you know what He knows!


FACEBOOK: Confessionsofagoodman






Allison Bisongs is a Writer, Youth Counsellor and Life Coach.

He helps lead healthy Christian relationships.

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I am the Founder and Executive Editor of Core Magazine. I hold a Bachelors Degree in History and International Studies from Bowen University. I am the Author of "DARE TO RESEARCH". I have written and published over 16 Academic Research Articles. I believe in an ideal that all persons irrespective of their race, class or status can influence the society with creative writings and constructive thoughts to the point where they can succeed and develop their skills to seize rare opportunities.

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