Relationship: Every time she ask if I am doing alright I just smile and say, Yes

If you have never read anything from me before, please read this to the end, please, Let me confide in you about something;

Last weekend i heard the news, came as a flash, my mentor was getting a divorce, the two people I look up to for motivation are filing for separation, two people who I thought cannot afford to live without each other for a day, getting a divorce. It broke my heart, completely, since I got the news I haven’t been able to write or do anything productive, I run away from my messages, I dodge my counseling sessions, I just put my life on hold for a while, it broke my heart to pieces. I couldn’t believe that two people who God has chosen to model His design for marriage are breaking their covenant, the thought alone was crazy.

I wept between my sheets. Why did God let it happen? Why did he authorise their separation, knowing how many homes and relationships that might likely go down with them, why? I fasted secretly, cos somehow I became afraid for my own marriage, am sorry I have to admit it, counselors are humans too, I was scared, I cannot afford to build other people’s relationship and marriage while my own suffers. A scripture says we cannot diligently serve God and eat the bread of sorrow, or in this case a divorce, Godforbide!

What did they not do right? Where did they err? At what point did they fall out of love? At what point did their differences become irreconcilable? How can two God chasers loose steam and passion for each other? Lord answer me, I need to know where they failed so I can win in mine, Lord!

I hid this away from my best friend Chocolate, she didn’t know what was going on inside me, I didn’t want her to know, this was a battle I wanted to fight alone. Every time she ask if I am doing alright I just smile and say yes I am, doing good. But it wasn’t enough to convince that lady, she still knew something was up that I was not telling, but I couldn’t say. All week long I paused everything, I wanted to hear God say something, ….. Then He did.

I woke up this morning to a message from Chocolate on my phone, it was a scripture reference, it is the parable of the ten virgins in Mathew 25, let me read it for the sake of those who struggle to check out Bible scriptures;

Mathew 25 verse number 1:
Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
2. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
3. They that were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them:
4. But they that were wise took oil in their vessels and in their lamps.
5. While they were waiting for the bridegroom to come, they all fell asleep.
6. And at midnight there was a cry made, “behold, the bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him”.
7. Then all the virgins got up, turned on their lamps.
8. And the foolish ones said to the wise, give us your oil, for our lamps are gone out.
9. But the wise answered, saying no,if we give some to you they will not be enough for us and for you, but go outside and buy for yourselves.
10. And while they were gone to buy their oil the bridegroom came, and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage, and the door was shut.

The next question Chocolate asked me in the message was;
“My priest, who was that Somebody that came shouting while they were asleep? That somebody that cried he’s here, get up and meet him. It means that person also had a lamb with more extra oil, because the person couldn’t have noticed or seen the bridegroom coming while her lamp was off or dim like the other virgins. It also means that even though that person had extra oil to wait for whenever the bridegroom comes, she still did not sleep like those virgins who were thought wise, and the foolish ones too. But whoever that person was that shouted and announced the presence of the bride groom, I want to be that person”

Hmmmm, after I read this I just smiled at God, this is the answer I have been waiting for, and God had to use Chocolate to answer me.

The reason why my mentor’s marriage failed is not because he isn’t wise, in fact he is, even with an extra oil like the wise virgins. But his marriage crashed because even though he was wise, he fell asleep with the confidence that he has enough oil in his lamp to carry him.

First Moral Lesson:
Always share your challenges with your partner, never try to fight your battles alone. If ONE with God is majority, imagine what TWO people with God would be, a STORM!. I wanted to stand in the gap for my relationship alone, but I forgot that the fastest way to an answered prayer is to stand with the help God has designed for you. If I had told Chocolate about this I would never had wasted a day of worry.

Second moral Lesson:
The five virgins thought they were wise with their vessels and lamps filled with oil, so they went to sleep knowing they were ready, but the wisest was that somebody who stayed awake to keep watch. Imagine if that somebody didn’t wake them up? Imagine if that somebody went quietly to welcome the bridegroom alone and left them to sleep? They too would have been shut out, even with their wisdom.

Do not read all the books on relationship and marriage and go to sleep. Do not attend all the marriage seminars and conferences and feel like you know it all. Do not study the Word back to back and forget to watch. These days our christian marriages fail because we fall asleep on the knowledge of the word of God. It is not enough to carry an extra oil, stay awake.

Today God answered me with this word from Chocolate; “whoever that somebody that shouted and announced the presence of the bride groom was, be that person.”


FACEBOOK: Confessionsofagoodman





Allison Bisongs is a Writer, Youth Counsellor and Life Coach.

He helps lead healthy Christian relationships.


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I am the Founder and Executive Editor of Core Magazine. I hold a Bachelors Degree in History and International Studies from Bowen University. I am the Author of "DARE TO RESEARCH". I have written and published over 16 Academic Research Articles. I believe in an ideal that all persons irrespective of their race, class or status can influence the society with creative writings and constructive thoughts to the point where they can succeed and develop their skills to seize rare opportunities.

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